My plan for the day started not too well. The first appointment I was supposed to have, got cancelled at the last minute and that screwed up my plan for a lunch meeting and subsequently the flow of my day.

I decided to stop by the mall on the way. I wandered around while I was trying to decide what I should do to kill time before another appointment. The answer was not too difficult: EAT!! Food is always the right answer for anything and almost everything for me. But the difficult question is: what do I want to eat?

I kept wandering around two floors of Restaurant venue and finally stopped at one place because the seasonal food promotion for “Kao Chare Chaow Wang” (ข้าวแช่ชาววัง), grabbed my attention. It is not very easy to find this dish these days. Lots of old Thai people ate it in the past but not very much nowadays. It has been 18 years since I ate this!

With no reluctance, my feet drove me into the restaurant and I ordered the dish immediately.

To be honest, this is not even my favourite dish and I cannot say that I really like it. But what was the immediate attraction? It was a favourite dish of my grandmother’s — a person who raised me and whom I wished to call “mom” but never had enough courage before she died.

This dish reminded me of one morning of her last year on earth — we were eating this together. She loved the food. Food and eating were her passion. She kept talking about how much she enjoyed the dish and the history of its cooking. She said also that her grandmother (four generations before me) also liked it a lot. It was a lovely morning to chat and eat with someone I loved and who loved me. We shared stories. . . and the conversation was simple; but that was how I was touched deep inside.

I have to admit that I miss her so dearly and I wish I could turn back time to have a wonderful breakfast with her again and call her, “mom”.

Thus, going to a restaurant to eat this dish was not at all about fulfilling my physical needs, or for the pleasure of my taste buds; it was to reconnect with my past, the great times I had, and someone I love. It reminded me of who I used to be and who I am today — the time was well spent!

Sometimes when you don’t know what to do, you may want to ask yourself what you liked to do when you were young or when you were with someone who loved you. You should do those things again so you can connect back to your beautiful memories and feel good with yourself for a brief moment. You spend your time in the present moment for yourself on something you are certain is good for you. This is never a waste of time.

Have you decided what you want to do?

PS: Thank you, Andrew Young, my respected friend, for your help with this blog. You are the perfect editor for this post because you showed me how important to reconnect with my past through the grieving process due to the loss of a loved one.